Are We Too Busy For Real Networking?
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on May 6, 2016
“Oh the times they are a-changing!” – Bob Dylan
I’m trying not to consider myself as being all that old. I’m also trying not to seem overly nostalgic. Yet things have changed, and not all of them for the better.
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Last Friday I had lunch with one of my local buddies. He said that he hardly has any friends and doesn’t get out much except for work. I mentioned that I thought he was a great connector and he said that part was sometimes true, but that it was very hard actually getting people to get out of their comfort zone to actually meet him or others he’s trying to connect with each other.
I’ve noticed the same thing over the last bunch of years, but I had to mentally step back and consider this. I thought to myself “Heck, if this good looking young guy has this kind of trouble, then what am I griping about.”
When I first got into business on my own back in 2001, there was no shortage of places where people could and would network together. I really was just getting my footing at that time because I’d mainly worked out of town, so I didn’t know that many people in the Syracuse area. This was also before the days of social media, so maybe it was the only way we could connect with each other.
Back then, I was meeting someone new for lunch every few weeks or so. Occasionally it was with a new organization I was checking out, but for the most part it was one on one. Truthfully, most of the time it was with people who were hoping I’d become a client, which never happened, yet they’d know who I was moving on from there; I could live with that.
Then I left town for a year to consult at a hospital in Westchester County. When I got back home, I noticed that things had changed somewhat. It was harder to get people to meet individually for lunch. Some people wanted to meet for coffee before 8AM; that wasn’t happening since I not only try not to get up that early but I don’t drink coffee. However, it was a low number; most people just weren’t interested.
It was pretty quiet for a while there. Then we started having things like Tweetups and other organizational get togethers of hopefully like minded people, and that was pretty cool. We even had a Tweetup kickball game that was amazing (and hot!).
Then I left town again, this time spending 18 months in Memphis. Now it seems that even the planned networking events, such as the Liverpool Chamber events, don’t draw all that many people… at least not close to the numbers they used to.
Other events are also down drastically. Last year there wasn’t a single tweetup locally, and there was only one very small get together of a local blogging group that had a pretty successful start but fell pretty much off the earth. As far as I know, there are no plans for anything in 2016 at this point.
As for lunches… not counting my friends, in 2015 I met 1 person for lunch, and in 2016 I’ve now met 3. Two of those were people who asked to meet me, which means that my record for asking and getting people to meet me for lunch is pretty dismal.
Maybe I have it easier than most others since I mainly work from home. Maybe I’m living in the prehistoric era of networking since most people connect more with each other online, and when they have a free moment they’d either like being with friends and family or off doing something on their own.
I had thought it was only me until I had lunch last week with my buddy. Folks, it seems there’s a serious disconnect as it pertains to local networking. I refuse to believe it’s just here in Syracuse; this has to be more of a national thing. How funny it is that I can interact online with people all around the world yet I can’t get a local person who I’ve met at least once in person to meet me for lunch.
Oh well, life goes on. At least I’m not scared to eat lunch alone; Twin Trees loves me. 🙂
I’ve belonged to my share of networking groups. You know the type where you’re expected to show up every week, recite your elevator speech, and of course bring lots of referrals. (btw, I’ll write a blog post about this soon)
First I’ll say I met some great people who’ve become friends.
My take on these meetings was not many were truly listening to what their fellow members needed. Not many were truly interested in learning about the other persons business.
The majority of the peeps at these meetings were in sales. They didn’t own the company. So, their focus was “WIFM” better known as What’s In It For Me. (Meaning them)
As far as 1 on 1 coffees or lunch meets? For some reason the masses don’t do them much anymore.
In fact, I’ve had people schedule to meet me at my fave place (Wegmans 🙂 and not show up! Not even a text telling me so.
p.s. I miss Wegmans so much!
You’re talking about BNI-type groups. You’re right, most of the time those folks weren’t listening to you, especially if you weren’t already in the inner circle. Luckily I never had to pay to go to one of those events, though I considered it once for about a minute.
I can’t believe people stood you up like that on a regular basis. It’s only happened to me twice, and both times I picked the restaurant because I would have been going there anyway. That way I get to eat what I want and enjoy my own company, and I always take my own entertainment so I’m good.
Still, it’s a shame that we don’t have a better true networking system. I really need to meet more local people but I’m not going to be the only one making the effort to do so. Maybe that’s the problem… I’ll have to think about it a bit more.
I’m not one for networking much Mitch. I’ve actually got someone asking me to join in a fundraising poker game and I’m avoiding replying because I don’t really want to go. I’m only going to know a couple of people there and I hate being the odd one out.
Don’t know why I can’t just say nope, aint going? Probably because I confirmed him and don’t want to disappoint. It would be OK if I had something on but I don ‘t and I can’t lie about something like that.
You kill me Pete! For a guy who loves telling the jokes you do you’re quite the introvert. Actually, so am I, which is why I need to get out of the house. Your long term goal is making money online, mine is to be a professional speaker, something I can’t really do from home. lol
Go play the poker tournament. I have a feeling that you’ll end up having a good time… unless you bust out too early. 🙂
@Mitch Mitchell, Ain’t going to happen Mitch. I’ll just keep ignoring the Facebook updates and hope he doesn’t ask me directly.
Public speaking huh, sounds like my personal nightmare 😉
It’s still amazing that you’re so shy. I mean, former businessman, been blogging even longer than me… that’s wild!
@Mitch Mitchell, I don’t think that I would call it being shy Mitch. I just don’t feel comfortable around people I don’t know.
When I had the deli I was find talking with strangers and such. It was as if the counter between us was acting as a stranger buffer of sorts 😉
As for blogging, heck there’s no contact with people, the whole internet acts as a buffer.
Even at my present place of employment where I interact with heaps of people I’m fine. Probably because I know my stuff and they’re only there temporarily lol.
Actually, it’s precisely because you can’t open up in public that I call you shy. Work situations are always different. There are some people who are very shy even at work but others who are shy can easily function at work because that’s what the job calls for. It’s because it behooves my working situation that I can get up and speak in front of a couple hundred people is called upon, because I can separate work from my personal life.
As it regards my personal life I’m not shy but I’m very cautious, so if I don’t know people I rarely start the conversation unless it’s at a networking event, and even then sometimes I’m just not in the mood for it.
@Mitch Mitchell, I should know better than to argue with you Mitch 😉
I keep trying to teach you that lol